tibias | ( one. ) » ( voice. )

[ in the background, there's the sounds of nature. rustling leaves, rushing water, chirping birds... and then there's a quiet chuckle from the owner of the journal. ]

This is quite the place. I've seen a lot in my time, but nothing like this. And that guide is handy! [ there's another small laugh ] Very thorough in its explaining this place. My thanks to its maintainer.

[ shanks pauses and there's the sounds of splashing. he's kicking his feet in the river. ]

If this place gets new arrivals in cycles, I imagine you get a number of these "I'm new here," journal entries. Aaah, well, that won't do. Let's spice things up and give you something more interesting than that!

Stop me if you've heard this one before... A Marine officer falls overboard during a battle with some pirates. He's a Devil Fruit user, so he can't swim and has to be rescued by a deckhand. When he's back aboard his ship, he thanks the deckhand and asks how he can best repay his underling for saving his life. The deckhand looks sheepish as he replies. "I think the best reward would be keeping it a secret, sir," he says, "If the other fellows knew I pulled you out, they might push me in!" Dahahahaha!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I do!

[ he clears throat ]

Once upon a time, there was a pirate captain who just so happened to have won a parrot in a round of poker. This seemed all well and good, until he took the parrot with him back to his ship. It turned out the parrot never said anything but expletives. He swore up a storm so great it made veteran sailors blush.

Now, the captain was very upset by this, especially when everything he tried wouldn't shut the bird up. He talked to it, he tried to bribe it, he even tried locking it in a cabinet. Nothing worked. Until, completely fed up, he threw it in the icebox. The bird went quiet almost immediately. After a short moment, the captain cautiously opened the icebox door to see if anything had happened to his bird.

The parrot was unharmed, and it hopped right out of the icebox. "I'm terribly sorry about all that," the parrot said, looking apologetic. "It was awfully rude of me. I'll try to fix my manners. By the way, what did the chicken do?"

[You're putting jokes to the wrong crowd, buddy. He's quiet because he's thinking about it, and then it hits him.

Still not funny though.]

What did the chicken do?

[ ... he is so disappointed. ]

It didn't do anything. It was just food.

Ohhh. Well, the parrot sounds like it should've been his next meal too.

[There's an indignant trill from Chien's end, and he's talking to whatever made the noise next. How dare his trainer say something like that!!]

You're too stringy to be a meal, Soren! And you can't talk anyway, so it's not like they're going to eat you because you're annoying! [Your attitude'll be the death of you--]

Dumb bird. [Dumb boy.]

Parrots don't make very good meals.

[ but anyways maybe a subject change would be a good idea ]

Sounds like you've got a bird there with you. What kind is it?

Swellow. He's a Pokémon, which I doubt you have if you're making pirate jokes.

[there are no pirates in pokémon

that he knows of.]

Think a pretty big bird, about as tall as your bottom half and with wings the stretch from finger to finger. [To Chien, anyway. It's different for other people.] They fly really fast and Soren's best flight was from one side of this place to the other within half a day.

[ shanks lets out a low whistle. ]

He sounds like an impressive bird.

[The bird on the other side mimics his whistle, getting in some practice while they talk. Even if Mimic is supposed to do moves.]

Soren's one of the best there is! [nevermind their defeat in july cough cough cough] Me and him are training to be the strongest pair in Luceti.

[PROOUD mama chien yup.]

So he's a fighting bird, then? How long have the two of you been training?

[Good question.]

I guess since spring? It's been a while...

Oh? That long? You must be able to do all kinds of things.

[ shanks, stop being an ass and teasing the poor thing. ]

[They're taking you quite seriously, sir!!]

A ton. If we had more time in space, we would've been able to figure out how to fly there like we do in the sky. And he's got the best speed in the air, so I was thinking that if we dove underwater we could be like a sharkman and catch our enemies by surprise.

[Books and stuff? Total loss. Battle and survival? Chien is your man.]

[ oh no. this will either end poorly or oddly well. ]

Can you both breathe underwater?

I can hold my breath for a long time, and we'll train Soren to do the same.

[He will teach Soren Dive, dammit.]

Good luck with that bit of training.

Yeah, and good luck finding a joke that's actually funny.

Have you heard the one about the corduroy pillows?

What's a cordy pillow?

It's a pillow made out of corduroy—a thick fabric with lots of ridges in it.

Sounds comfy. What's the joke?

Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows? They're really making headlines.

[he doesn't understand

look at this face, shanks.

he

doesn't

understand.]

... Never mind.

Why would a pillow make headlines?

Have you ever slept on a wrinkly sheet and woken up with lines in your skin?

[voice]

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[voice] i apologize for how awful this joke is

[voice] completely accepted

[voice] (yay)

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